What do you think about my persuasive essay on prop 19?
California is known for Hollywood, having several major cities, population, and its deficit. California is estimated to have a forty two billion dollar debt. Out of the 50 states in the country, California has the highest numbers in negative despite being the most productive states in the country. Which is why proposition 19 should be passed, the state will benefit tremendously from it. The profit from marijuana sales could also be used to help pay off the debt.
When marijuana is illegal, the government ends up spending unnecessary and ample sums of money just to interrogate marijuana users from the public. Some people may argue that smoking marijuana isn’t a serious and dangerous crime; it’s comparable to drinking with less health deteriorating consequences. The state currently spends tens of millions of dollars per year for keeping marijuana users on probation or parole. In addition to that, the government has to spend even more money for marijuana programs. The passing of prop 19 would solve California’s overcrowded prison issue; there would be more cells to contain vitally “danger to society” criminals. The legalization of marijuana also allows the government to stop spending money they don’t have.
Not only would the state be able to cut back on spending if marijuana was made legal, but the state could profit from marijuana sales. The profit made from the sale could be used to pay off the $42 billion dollar deficit. According to the state board of equalization, by charging people $50 per ounce, the state could make an estimated $1.4 billion dollars a year. The price would limit marijuana users from smoking excessively to a point where it starts to affect their daily lives. The state could use money to pay off the deficit or fund much needed programs.
By legalizing marijuana, the government would have more control over production. Legalizing proposition 19 would give the government control over distribution that would protect the public’s health. When marijuana is illegal, there are dangerous black markets on the streets. Without the FDA to inspect marijuana products, there are merchants who could lace marijuana with dangerous substances. If marijuana were to be legalized, there would also be decreased violence due to drug wars. If proposition 19 were to pass, the government would have more control, there would be cleaner drugs sold, and there would be less violence and lives lost.
In opposing views of prop 19, the passing of the ballot would have disastrous consequences. If marijuana were too available for the public, the side effects would be no different then cigarettes. There would be chaos in the streets. People may use marijuana “the safer drug”, but they may be lead to use worst and more harmful drugs. When children see adults smoke marijuana, they may be influenced to do the same. Lastly, if the vast population were to start smoking, there would be many reports of people with respiratory problems.
In conclusion, the passing of prop 19 would benefit the state of California. However there may be some undesirable consequences if prop 19 were to pass. Legalizing marijuana would allow the government to spend less money and profit from it as well. Passing prop 19 would make public safety more manageable. The state and industries would benefit from the legalization of marijuana no doubt.
Towards the end you talked about the negatives.
If you do, you need a rebuddle, reasons why this is proved false, or why your reasons outweigh the costs. Otherwise, just get rid of it completely.
Also, you mention the FDA, did you know that the federal government says that the substance is illegal, and can actually raid the places where marijuana is given out (they don’t really).
Good luck, but I do not agree with your views.
Howdy.
It seems to me that you are trying to follow a standard model of a five paragraph essay. However, there are a number of problems.
1) Your first paragraph is your thesis–and you do not have a clear one. There are two formats to writing an introductory paragraph. Either you should have your thesis as your first sentence, and then introduce your arguments in the rest of the paragraph (this is most commonly used in historical papers). The second is to start with a broad statement and then narrow down as the paragraph goes, having your thesis as your last statement. In this type of a paper, I would recommend using the format, opening with a thesis like, “Proposition 19 would benefit California by helping to alleviate it’s 42 billion dollar debt”, and then expanding from there.
2) Grammatical issues and improper word usage plague your paper. It is good that you are trying to use a more sophisticated vocabulary, but misusing words makes you sound just the opposite. A perfect example would be when you say, “unnecessary and ample sums of money just to interrogate marijuana”. Ample means fully sufficient, which makes your sentence sound contradictory. Interrogate used improperly.
3) Try not to be repetitive: instead of continually saying “proposition 19”, you could refer to it as, “the bill” because you have already established which bill you are talking about. Saying “prop 19” is also informal, and because this is a formal essay you should always avoid informal terms.
4) While it is good that you are trying to include arguments for the opposing side, you don’t want to dedicate an entire paragraph to it. You should acknowledge some of their arguments, but be sure to rebut them.
5) NEVER start a conclusion with, “In conclusion”. Same goes with starting your essay with, “In my opinion”.
There’s a lot more to talk about, but if you fix your essay with some of the tips above it will be a lot better. For grades 6-8, this would be a reasonably good essay with some editing.