Please, please can somebody help me!?
Ok everyone.. here’s the jist of it:
I’ve been dealing with some severe mental issues in the past couple of months. This ALL started when I smoked Marijuana for the first time, and I smoked quite a bit of it, enough for me to nearly lose all conciousness.
I’m 21 years old, have had NO previous mental or physical health problems in the PAST, but I definitely know that something is WRONG!!!
After smoking that marijuana, I freaked out, had a severe panic attack, and thought that I was going to die from heart attack or something. It was so bad that I had EMS come out to check me out, and they all said that I was fine!!!
For the past few months, I’ve seen them at least once or twice per week, because I get to feeling like I’m dying, going to die, feel slight chest/arm pressure pains, forget where i’m at, what i’m doing, or who I am momentarilly (often at minutes at a time, or minutes in frequency for shorter periods of time). I’ve had 4 visits to the ER, have had extensive checks with blood work, had one CT scan, have had my EKG/ECG readings reported by doctor after doctor to be perfectly FINE, have had X-Rays read on my chest to be perfect. I have also had tilt testing, which also came back fine. My blood saturation, my breathing, my blood pressure, pulse, and everything else BASIC is perfectly fine!!
By the way, I just came back from my 4th ER visit 3 days ago.
Here’s what’s really wrong with me, people.
Every few seconds, I feel either “sudden forgetfulness” and “feelings of detachment from reality”.
I often experience depersonalization, derealization, obsessive fear of “sudden death”, obsessive fear of death itself, obsessiveness about my own personal health, constantly checking myself or having my wife (who is a CNA. I’m not too sure how credible CNAs are, please feel free to fill me in on how ‘medically inclined’ they really are) check me out.
I often feel dizzy, clumsy, weak, anxious for no reason, feels like my entire body is moving in weird or odd ways incontrollably (mainly in a bizarre “up and down” or “side to side” direction) which also usually happens when i’m standing up (this symptom increases while i’m urinating).
I’m not anxious or panicking about anything except for my own personal health. It feels like something is taking over my body, or i’m just going crazy.
It’s affecting my relationship with my fiance. She can’t seem to understand that I’m feeling like something is utterly wrong (because I’M the one experiencing it), even though she disagrees that anything is wrong with me at all.
Because of all of this, I have been getting more and more depressed, and have lately been thinking about death in a perspective that I would have never thought about it before… I’ve been thinking lately, “What if i’m better off dead anyways? Maybe this is a sign?”
I know that something is not right with me!!! 🙁
Since the visit to the ER, I have been perscribed Paxil, which only costed $4.00 (USD) at the Wal-Mart Pharmacy. I don’t feel that this medication is helping all that much.
Keep in mind people, I am very poor, just got a new apartment, have no furniture yet, and my wife and I have been struggling the last few years in this “Great Recession” in the States.
I don’t have the money to even afford insurance, AT ALL. I can not even afford to buy hot dogs, so please, don’t recommend me to go get insurance, or go see someone that won’t even give me the time of day because I can’t even afford the co-pay.
So, with that been said…
Can someone PLEASE help me!?!?!
Smoking marijuana has never been known to cause symptoms like that. HOWEVER, it could be very possible that the particular joint you smoke had something else in it…. whether it be cocaine, meth, ecstacy or other. Since you smoked a lot of it you probably had a bad trip or something and the memory has given you some sort of post traumatic stress disorder. I have had this exact thing happen to me. But I want you to look at yourself and realize that you are not dying and your mind is the only thing telling you that there is something wrong with your body. It will take some time, but it will work eventually, and you will be at peace again. You are fully alive, and so there is still hope. I would also recommend going to a Mental Health Clinic, if you can find a free one. The one I went to is free. Talking about it with a professional may help also.
o;;O
I will give you my depression and anxiety tips. You have developed an anxiety disorder and are having panic attacks. Go to the library and get books on managing anxiety, and also do some online research. Good news – anxiety problems respond well to therapy, and even though you can’t afford a therapist right now, there is a LOT of self-help out there, and if you do the “homework” faithfully, you should be a lot better. all the money stress is probably making things worse, but there’s nothing you can do about that for now except be a careful budgeter, which maybe you are doing that already. My advice here is general tips, but there will be specific tips for panic attacks if you google it/hit the library.
If your depression seems to be more of a problem in the winter, try to get more sun. You could have seasonal affective disorder, or SAD, or your depression could have a seasonal component, meaning you can get depressed other times of the year, but you tend to have more trouble in the winter. A light box is really good if you can afford one (about $300 online, don’t get it at a local store, they will charge more for a light less than 1/2 as bright. The Sunray is a great model. You don’t need to worry about it being full spectrum, it just needs to be bright and have some blue light in the spectrum). Since I will always have a mood disorder, I have put in extra windows, keep the drapes mounted so they don’t cover them, make sure I spend a lot of time in southern exposure rooms, painted the walls peach and yellow, mostly. I even have a skylight, although that was here when I moved in (and I LOVE it, it helps a lot!!!!!) Psycheducation.org has a link to a much cheaper light box that I’m not familiar with.
Try turning the heat up in the house or dressing much more warmly. It is hard to feel anxiety when you are too warm.Hot baths work too, and in a pinch, like at work/school, you can try running hot water over your hands.
Avoid caffeine like the plague. Also, some cold remedies can cause anxiety. Look for the “agitation in children” warning on the box. Adults can get problems too.
Try meditation tapes like progressive muscle relaxation or guided imagery. They may seem silly at first, but they work!! They help reduce stress, which makes depression worse. See The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook by Edmund Bourne for examples & you can make your own tapes. Free 15 minute guided imagery download at healthjourneys.com. Learn to breathe with your abdomen and not in your chest, and take each breath slowly.
Go out with friends, and if you don’t have any, find a club to join and MAKE yourself go until you actually look forward to it. Isolation makes depression worse & is probably a reason depression is much more common nowadays.
Exercise at least 1/2 hour a day, and anytime you feel really hyper or depressed. Exercise is a great mood stabilizer and cuts down on anxiety a lot. The lack of exercise in modern life is probably another major cause of increased depression.
If your depression makes it hard for you to sleep, here are some good “sleep hygiene” tips so you can sleep better. Like go to bed and get up about the same time each day, even weekends. Don’t use your bedroom to watch TV and read and use the computer and all that-just use the room as a bedroom normally would be used. Don’t do stuff that pumps you up right before bed, like exercising and using the computer. You want to use that last hour to wind down-Take a bath ? Make the bedroom really dark, cover up the clock radio, even so the light doesn’t shine at you. If you live in the rackety city, use a noise generator (makes wave sounds and the like) to cover up the city sounds.
Put a lot of colorful things around the house, happy type things, and keep the blinds open and let the sun in. Get yourself some flowers. Put on some pretty clothes. Make a list of things that make you happy. Here’s some things on my list: A basket full of fluffy kittens, bread fresh from the oven, Fireworks popping on a warm summer evening, The first fireflies of the season, the scent of Jergen’s cherry almond lotion, The crisp sound of a saltine cracker breaking, fresh sheets on the bed, etc. Use all your senses and read that list when you are breaking down
Work on time management if being overwhelmed and late for things and too much to do is getting to you. Cut back on other responsibilities temporarily so you can spend more restorative time with friends and family.
Volunteer. Research shows that helping others makes you feel better about yourself. It also keeps you more involved in the community. Many people find comfort being involved in religion. Get help from your pastor if that applies to you.
You got a significant other? Extra physical touch is very helpful. (sex helps a lot of people feel better for a few hours afterwards) A pet is good to cuddle with, too, if your home situation allows you to get one & take good care of it for many years.
Drugs may have the effect of making you experience something which isnt there – in the materials universe – in present time. So, you may assume, that feeling you’re going to die, doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re going to die.
I suggest you should stop “digging” such thoughts. And stop taking counter-measures to such thoughts. Just don’t make such thoughts.
If you can’t stop, take a walk and/or find something interesting and fun to do. Don’t dwell in how bad you think your situation is, because in this way you feed it. And as long as you “feed” it, it exists.
You can go to the site nami.org which is the site for the National Alliance for the Mentally ILL. You can find the phone number for the chapter that is in your area. If there is anything that is free or almost no cost they will know and can refer you. Also you can call you Social Services Department they will know also.
I know this must be freaking you out and stuff but just think of it as a little problem that you have to deal with. It’s not your whole life, just a little hiccup along the way. Take a look around do some research on what can help you but don’t let it become the entire of your life. You said you have a fiance, well try and focus on her, do stuff together – not every thing costs money -.Yeah of course sort yourself out but also think about her. How is she feeling and coping?
Hope you get better soon, take care.